song 25: house of cards

well a few of you already know, but i (julie jane) started a half-time job about a month ago. i’ve been brought to tears numerous times while talking with noah about how happy i am there, and how incredible the people are that i get to work with! i have never been in a position where i was able to use my gifts in a context that i was personally passionate about. i mean, home networking and car insurance are both completely necessary… but they don’t exactly move me, if you know what i’m saying? it’s a real mystery.

but disaster relief? i care! everybody cares!! so now i get to use my abundance of nerd skills to do something that matters to me, and makes an actual difference in the lives of others… and i’m having so much fun!

the contrast between my new job and my last job is almost overwhelming. i worked for Fortune 500 technology company, and hated every moment of my 60 to 80 hours a week. a few months before i quit, it got so bad that not even years of writers block could keep me from expressing myself in song...

so in honor of my fabulous new job, this week’s song is the documentation track of my i-hate-my-job song from back in the day. having not picked up my guitar for many months prior, my fingers were raw by the time i got to recording it about 2:30 in the morning on a work night. it was the first time i ever recorded a song in front of noah, and i remember him being shocked when i did three takes, declared i was done, and hit the sack. he’d heard me talk about my three take philosophy, but i don’t think he actually believed me til that moment!

in other news, this week's song marks the half-way point for our 50/50 campaign, and we’re just so impressed with ourselves that we’re actually sending out a song and a story each week, aren’t you?! it's so much more effort than we'd realized (thus we're mixing in a few older songs here and there when the going gets tough), but it's also so much more rewarding than we'd expected... and we are all growing so much more than we'd hoped! Moses is crashed out on the couch in our tiny lounge, and he just exclaimed in his sleep, "i saw a song!" ... so basically, the music is taking over, and we are loving it.

as you listen, i hope you will celebrate with me… and i hope you will pray for me too, because working while going to school and mothering is not for sissies!! pray for Noah too as he holds down the home front in a major way and continues to work his magic on the tiny... he's working tirelessly and is such a trooper!!

i work so hard to keep this
house of cards a secret
it’s falling apart at long last
so i’m going home

every day i’m chasing
what can’t be obtained by taking
in so many ways i’m wasting away

joy is lonely for me
i’ve no control, no self and so…
captive to my mind and pay
i worry will i be changed
when you don’t own me
or will i at last be free

evenings i’m soft and silent
mornings i’m wrapped in kindness
the days take my soul and light it
burn it up, burn it out, burn it down

i leave at the door what make me
lovely and sure and flakey
you’re not payin for a lady
what is left ain’t the best, it’s true

joy is lonely for me…